Vipassana

Current Location: Pokhara, NEPAL

Yes, we survived it, and I am so proud of myself. Coming into the course, I was a bit nervous. My mom told me that they don't let anyone drive to the meditation center because they don't want people to drive away after the second day. The day before the start of the course, I was thinking of copping out. But I knew that it wouldn't hurt me...it could only help me. And I am so happy that I decided to stick with it. Joe did a great job explaining the principles of Vipassana in his blog entry. It is a wonderful technique that makes so much sense when you learn about it. You soon come to realize that we are externally motivated creatures. We are constantly faced with our everyday lives--work, school, stress, kids. We are reacting and doing, reacting and doing. All our inputs that we learn from and react to come from the outside. But when was the last time that you sat quietly and looked inside yourself? This is what I told myself before I started the course. I don't think hardly any human being in this world gets the opportunity to spend 10-days with just themselves and being inside themselves. It's such an amazing experience!

For me, I quickly came to realize that I had a lot to learn. All my life, I have never been alone. As a child, I lived with my family and then when I became an adult, I lived with roommates. I felt lonesome if my roommates were away, and would quickly consume my mind with busy work like cleaning the house or doing school work. Whenever, I had any problems or issues, I always had an outlet whether it be my family, my husband, or my friends. This was an opportunity to do something that I had always avoided. Being by myself, discovering myself, and being at peace with myself.

Vipassana isn't easy. After Day 1, I felt like an 80-year old woman, limping after sitting for a 4-hour meditation session. I have never had back issues before, but now I know what it's like to have back pain. And my knees were in continuous distress from sitting hour after hour cross-legged. At night I would go to sleep with nothing in my stomach but hunger pains and empty rumbling.

But the physical pain wasn't the most difficult part. The hardest part was the mental pain. Initially, I realized that I lack concentration and patience. My mind is what Goenka-gi would call a wild elephant. Running around like a mad animal. It needs a whip or a cage to contain it! I feel sorry for anyone who has to be inside my head! But after day 3, I learned to capture this wild animal and contain it. Then the deep incision started. Goenka-gii compares Vipassana meditation to a surgical procedure. You are making an incision to allow all the infectious material to leak out. Similarly, in meditation, you are doing a deep surgical procedure on your mind. You are discovering the reality of the mind. You are then forced to face these realities and conquer them. This wasn't easy at all. The 10-days was an emotional roller coaster ride. One day I would be elated and smiling from ear to ear, and another day I would be crying wishing that the course would be over. But I soon realized that I am the master of my mind. My mind is the one that creates these realities for me. I have control over my own reality. Just as the saying goes, "Is the glass half full or half empty?" It's up to me how I view things.

These 10-days was a time for serious self-discovery. I learned that I lack patience for myself. I beat myself up over my failures and don't give myself credit for my successes. Each failure is an opportunity to learn. I have the power to console and heal my own wounds. The most important aspect to any encounter is a calm and relaxed mind.

By the end of the 10-days, it was as much of a shock entering the real world as it was entering the rigorous course. My real test was a bus ride that we had to Mussorie. I found I was very sensitive to the usual shouting, touching, pushing and shoving that goes on in Indian buses. But I was able to detect these sensations of stress and extinguish them.

Joe and I are hoping to continue our meditation with an hour at morning and nighttime. It's a energizing way to begin a day and a relaxing way to end the day. Similar to seeing the sunrise and sunset each day. I feel calm and relaxed mentally and physically after each sitting. The best part is that after each meditation, we do what is called Mehta which is extending our happiness to those we love. It's my opportunity to share it with you and wish you all happiness. Be happy. मंगल हैं !